


Limerence

by natsumii



Category: South Park
Genre: Agender Character, Angst, Coming of Age, Cults, Deep Web Pornography, Delusional Thoughts, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Loneliness, Loss of Innocence, M/M, Occult, POV Multiple, Rating May Change, Romanticizing Mental Illness (lesson), Tragedy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2015-12-29
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:19:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4396994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsumii/pseuds/natsumii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The innocence of childhood finally cracks when her older brother leaves her, and Karen McCormick can't find the happiness that only Kenny can make her feel, and he seems to care more about his friends. Feeling abandoned, loneliness becomes her only friend. The only way to escape this pain was to hide deep in her mind, letting fantasy replace reality until she couldn't differentiate between the two anymore.</p><p>Kicked out of the house should be a bad thing, but Kenny McCormick finds that being away from the drama and sick environment of his home felt good. The only problem was getting money, and the son of Satan's offer was too good to pass up. Who knew accepting it would send him spiraling down a dark, twisted, perverse rabbit hole straight into the deepest pits of hell.</p><p>With middle school starting around the corner, Ike Broflovski can't help but feel this was the end of his pre-adolescent life. Dealing with friends, puberty, family, and growing up in general, he wished for things to be as simple as it were when he was a child. He finds that nostalgia in Karen McCormick, a strange quiet girl with a beautiful sadness behind her eyes that draws him in. Too bad all pretty things break, eventually.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Limerence

**Author's Note:**

> The definition of limerence:  
> The state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship. When the feelings are unrequited, it can destroy one's life.

Dear Kenny,

Most people see darkness when they close their eyes. A necessary human function to blink or sleep. To me, it was something more. It was revolutionary. When I close my eyes, the world around me disappears like magic. As if I had been transported into another place somewhere far away from where I am, a place with no limits and where time held no meaning. I think I could stay there forever if I could, but we all have to wake up in the end... and maybe...

Maybe I don't want to.

* * *

There was a yellow stain spreading on the ceiling like an ugly disease. The bulb hanging by a thread flickered, a sign that the payment for the electricity bill is overdue, and yet the TV downstairs still works, the noise of an unknown channel seeps through the thin floor and into the bare, filthy room. The rug had black spots littered everywhere and there was an indefinable stench that permeated from the rug, filling the room. Heaps of spiderwebs clustered together like a chaotic city and were tucked into three of the four corners of the room. Tiny black dots were sprinkled below the webbed city, all of them dead insects wrapped in a sticky bundle. A pile of corpses.

The window was open, left open permanently since the bottom was stuck, letting in the cool Colorado air that acted like a ventilation for the room. Outside, there was the occasional barking dog, the sound of stray cars passing by at this late of an hour, and a party a few houses away. The mattress, a dusty old thing, creaked under the weight of a small girl. She had her eyes closed, her limbs stretched out in all directions. The dog outside was still barking. The TV downstairs was still on. Barely audible, behind the loudness of the TV, angry voices. 

Angry voices that grew louder. The dog kept on barking, like a mad singer, the TV its backup singers. 

A horrible, loud, louder than the dog and the TV and the voices, a sound piercing crash that made the girl jump and sit up. It came from downstairs, so down she went. With each step she took, the more anxious she became. Something deep inside her wanted to turn around and go back to the small, safe room with only the spiders and the corpses but onward she went, her chest clenching as if someone had their hand wrapped around it, cutting off her airway. 

From the kitchen, the living room was blanketed in darkness, aglow from the light of the TV, it's screen a fuzzy quality. She stood barefoot on the cold kitchen tiles, motionless.

"You're nothing you fucking hear me?! You're nothing you fuckin' pathetic excuse of a man!" Her mother screeched, slamming her hand down on a dirty counter.

"Oh fuck you, Carol." A man, her father, said, his voice slurred and he stumbled where he stood. 

Carol, her flaming red hair, once held an attractive shine, was now shriveled and stuck to her face by the sweat of her anger. The family meal table was tipped on its side, and her father kicked it, missing the furniture entirely. Carol chuckled.

"You fucking drunk you can't even hit the table." She says. 

Stuart, the father, didn't seem to appreciate his wife's sense of humor. He glared at her, his eyes aflame, his cheeks reddening.

"You making fun of me?" He says in a tone that made the girl flatten herself to the wall behind her. Stuart was pointing at Carol, his finger shaking slightly. Carol crossed her arms and shifted her weight onto one leg, her head tilted.

"Hell yeah I'm making fun of ya'." She says like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "What ya fucken man ego bruised now?"

"Shut up you whore!" Stuart roared. He crossed the room in big strides and struck Carol in the face, her head whipping from the force of the slap. A teen emerged from the stairs, Kevin, and he opened the fridge, grabbed a bottle and went back up.

"That'll make you learn to shut your fucking mouth bitch." Stuart says, rubbing his face as he turned to walk away. He jerked wildly when, like a splash of water, a rain of glass erupted from his head. It all happened so fast, the empty bottle exploding upon the back of his head, the small pieces of glass cutting into his skin, blood trickling down his face. Carol laughed, smiling triumphantly, her cheek an angry red. 

Stuart spun around so fast, and punched her. Carol cried out and went down. She clutched her face, her expression twisted hideously and tears streamed down her cheeks. From across the room, she spotted the girl who was sitting down, her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them staring at her mother with wide terrified eyes. The anger disappeared from Carol's eyes, and she crawled to her daughter till she sat in front of her, Stuart in the background turning on the faucet and washing away the glass and the blood, cursing under his breath. 

"Oh Karen, shh, shh don't cry. Don't cry for Mommy." Carol says softly, brushing her hair and taking Karen's hand in her own. Karen thinks, how pretty her mother was when she smiled, her cheek red, mascara running down, her eye puffy and bulging. Like an angel. A beautiful, red haired angel. 

"This, this is just how Mommy and Daddy show our love for each other. This is how people love each other, and I love Daddy so very much." Carol says this all with a smile. "Now go on back to your room now. It's past your bedtime."

Karen got up, her skinny legs shaking and she trudged back to the stairs. She glanced back, her mother sitting where she had been, a blank look on her face.

"I love you, Mommy." Karen says timidly. There was no reaction from Carol, who continued to sit there like a fallen angel, her wild red hair a flaming halo.

Up the stairs again, this time pieces of herself being left behind on the wooden floorboards. She walked down the dark hallway in a daze, passing her room. She stopped at the end, and pushed open a door, slipped inside and closed it behind her. It was dark, with only the streetlight from outside to give some kind of help for visual, but it was evident that no one was inside. 

 _Where are you?_ She thought, but it didn't matter. He was probably out somewhere. He'll be back. 

Karen padded to the bare mattress, and curled up into a ball, digging her face into the mattress as tears leaked out of her eyes. He'll be back, he'll be back soon, she told herself. And when he's back everything will be better. He'll make everything feel better and all of this will disappear like a bad dream. But right now, alone in the darkness, her emotions swallowed her whole until she was sobbing and every inch of her body hurt.

* * *

The front door to the house open and closed loudly, waking her up. The walls are paper thin, and she could hear footsteps coming up the stairs. The dog outside was no longer barking, and someone had turned the TV off. When the door to the room she was in opened, she sat up rubbing her eyes.

"Kenny?" She calls, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. 

"Karen, did something happen again? Are you O.K?" Kenny crouched down before her and checked her for any wounds. 

She nodded, "I'm fine."

Kenny didn't stop, still searching for something that plagued him with worry.

"Did Mom and Dad fight again? Is that why you're in here?" He asks, already knowing the answer. It must be really bad this time, because when it gets really bad Karen would come hide in his room, searching for him for comfort. Karen didn't say anything, but Kenny understood.

"Hey, it's OK. I'm here now. Everything's alright." He says soothingly, pulling her in for a hug. Karen wanted to cry more, felt the sting in her eyes but she breathed in and out, and pressed herself against the cold parka jacket. Gently, he pulled away and unzipped his jacket, handing it to her. The jacket, compared to the outside, was warm inside, toasty even. The sleeves were too long for her small arms, so the end part drooped where the hands were. She pulled the hoodie over her head and tightened it. It smelled like Kenny, and knowing it was Kenny's parka she was wearing made her feel better. 

"Is the blanket in your room?" He says, now only in a white tank top that revealed how skinny he was. Karen nodded and said yes, but it came out muffled underneath the hoodie. She watched him get up and disappear into the hallway. The entire house was silent, and when she listened really hard, she could hear Kenny walk into her room and back out. He came in with her blanket and her pillow. She scooted to make room for him, and he threw the pillow onto the mattress and laid the blanket over her. The blanket, like his parka, was made out of the ripped curtains hanging from his window. Kenny ran his hand through his messy hair and kicked off his shoes and got in under the covers with her. She instantly snuggled up to him and he wrapped his arms around her. Like this, she felt safe, as if in his arms nothing could touch her or hurt her. 

Exhausted, she fell back asleep easily, warm now, and safe.

* * *

 

Dear Kenny, 

The day you left, was the day I died.

* * *

 

THE SUMMER BEFORE MIDDLE SCHOOL

 

There was a dead tree in the backyard, its branches twisted with no sign of life. It looked gnarly and scary, and Karen would avoid it like the plague if she could but the tire swing hanged from a particular long thick branch, so she had to suck up her fear, and hope that the tree will be lenient and not eat her. With the tip of her toes, she twisted the tire around, leaning her head on one of the ropes looking up at the thicket of dead branches, and beyond, the blue sky. 

Her mother was outside with her, working inside a broken down shack. Carol said to never bother mommy when she was working because mommy was using very important chemicals. Karen liked to think her mother was a scientist, cooking up ingredients in glass bottles and making all kinds of odd things. Like Frankenstein she wanted to be Igor, the scientist's assistant, but without the hunched back and the ugly face. Daddy was also a scientist, and she imagines that her parents work on experiments to save mankind, like heroes.

Karen was daydreaming of the twisted branches lifting her up to the sky when Kenny emerged from the screen door. She didn't notice him until he shouted.

"Oh fuck no!" He shouted. Karen jumped and twisted the swing to look behind her. It scared her to hear Kenny this angry. He was never this mad, so seeing his face twisted in rage, his hands balled up into fists, it really did scare her.

"Kenny, you're supposed to be in summer school." Carol says dumbly, shocked like her daughter to see him.

"Don't bullshit me on that, Mom. You said you guys quit! What is this?" Kenny rages, waving his hand at the shack.

"Don't talk to me like that you brat. You don't understand, you're just a kid. In the real world people need money to live so that's what I'm doing unlike your good for nothing Father. And you don't even work too so shut your mouth and go back to school." Carol spat.

"I know _enough_ of the real world because of you two!" Kenny doesn't back down, and instead gets even more louder and angrier. "And what do you think? You can hide this from me? I found everything in the closet, hell it was so easy to find that even the police can find it, and they're fucking idiots!" 

"What do you do then, huh? You live in my house, eat my fucking food and waste away on the TV like a loser. You're a goddamn loser Kenny just like your Father. Why don't chu get out an find a job and be useful to this family for once." 

"I've supported this family since day one! I take care of your daughter more than you would ever dream of doing!" Kenny was so mad he was shaking, and she was afraid he would explode. 

"Oh now you think you're all grown up, huh? You think you know what it's like livin' out in the real world. You know nothin'! You're just a stupid kid!" 

They went back and forth, and Karen was pretty sure they were so loud the neighbors could hear them. 

"Where's Dad?" Kenny demands.

"He's out at the store getting groceries." Carol says too quickly.

Kenny snorted, "You mean he's out getting more supplies from your dealer right?"

"Don't be smart with me you brat!" Carol shouted. 

Karen squeezed her eyes shut and clamped her hands over her ears. She didn't want to hear this anymore. She didn't want to be here. No, Karen was not here. She was swimming with the mermaids in the lake, looking for clams with pearls inside. They want to make her a pearl necklace, a pretty pretty necklace. They were at the bottom and she was running out of air but when she tried to swim up to the surface they grabbed her wrist and tugged her back down, down, down... 

"Karen, come on."

It was Kenny, and he was grabbing her wrists tugging them for her to get up. She did slowly, and he led her back inside the house. 

"Get your shoes and grab anything you can carry." He ordered her softly.

"Why? Where are we going?" She asks. 

"Just do what I say please. I'll tell you later just get your things." He says. 

Karen doesn't ask twice. She runs upstairs and rushes into her room, slipping on her shoes. She bundles up the blanket and holds it in one arm and with the other grabs her pillow. She doesn't have anything else, just the essentials. Not even a toothbrush to bring. She goes back downstairs and stops when she sees her mother in the kitchen drinking away from a can. She doesn't stop for long, and she continues her path to the living room, hoping the woman won't notice her.

"Karen honey what're you doin'?" Carol mumbles. 

"Don't pay attention to her Karen." Kenny says, emerging from the stairs with a backpack slung over his shoulder.

"What're you doin'. What're you doin' with my baby." Carol slurs, stumbling to the two kids. Kenny ignores the woman, and grabs Karen's hand and leads her to the door. He swings it open, and a cool wave of air washed over them and something inside Karen felt like she was breathing for the first time. With his hand in hers, they step outside together. Karen never noticed, but the sky was dark and the dead grass was browner and the hand wrapped around hers told her everything is going to be OK. 

"Where're ya gonna go! Huh!? You runnin' away togetha? Ya won't last a day out there!" Carol shouts at them. "Get back here! Get back here RIGHT NOW!" 

Kenny doesn't stop, so Karen doesn't stop because she knows he knows what he's doing, and that wherever they're going it'll be alright because they will have each other. Something grabs her arm and jerks her back so violently it felt like her arm would pop out of its socket. Karen cries out in pain, tears springing to her eyes. 

"You're not takin' my baby. I won't let you take my baby away from me!" Carol has her hand wrapped around Karen's wrist, gripping it so hard it made her wince. 

"Get away from her!" Kenny roars and shoves the woman away. Carol stumbles back, her arms flailing everywhere. She falls on her rump in a daze. Kenny steps in front of Karen, glaring down at the fallen woman. 

"I'm calling the cops on you, and Karen won't be yours anymore." He says, his voice steady and serious. He turns around and walks away, Karen glancing at her mom before following him. 

"And then what?" 

Kenny stops and turns around slowly. Carol had a smile on her face, giggling. 

"You call the cops on us and then what? Go live with nice foster parents who'll take care of you two? Don't you remember what happened last time?" 

"It won't be like last time." Kenny says confidently.

"No? But what if it will."

"It won't."

Carol picks herself up off the floor, brushing her hair out of her face. "The Child Protective Services around here is a joke. You'll just be put into a family like those fucking psychos." 

Karen felt a chill crawl up her spine. She remembered the Weatherheads, and she wouldn't want to be living with a family like them. Not again, not ever. 

She tugged on his sleeve, "That won't happen right Kenny?"

"No, no of course not. I won't let that happen." He assures her, but she could see the uncertainty in his eyes. 

"You're brother doesn't have a say in where you go. He can't promise anything." Carol spits venomously.

"Shut up!" Kenny yells.

"You can't take her. She's mine.. my baby..." Carol wails, her hand outstretched towards Karen, her head rolling down. "Nooo.... noo... you can't take her.. you can't take her.."

Karen can't imagine this, this woman was her mother. This sad woman. Sprawled all over on the ground, beer stained all over her green t-shirt. Karen doesn't understand when Kenny slips his hand away from hers and crouches down to be face level with her, holding her shoulders.

"Karen... I'm sorry. I-" His eyes flickered to the woman behind them. "I can't take you with me." He chokes out. 

"What?" Karen was confused, so confused and why was he saying this, aren't they supposed to leave now together? They're going to leave and go to the pretty house by the lake. 

"I'm sorry." Kenny whispers, gripping her shoulders tighter and he rested his head on her shoulder and he was shaking again. 

"Kenny?" She says, her lip quivering and a sick feeling started pooling in the bottom of her stomach.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.." He repeated like a mantra into her shoulder. He pulls away, and she was shocked to see tears on his cheeks. She's never seen him cry. He was always so tough, strong. She wished she could be like that. "I'll come back for you, I promise. I promise." Kenny rubs his thumb over her cheek and gets up.

"Kenny?" She whimpers, shuffling toward him. 

A flash of headlights and a beaten up pickup truck pulled into the driveway, and Stuart got out of the car, beer cans falling from the driver seat. He takes one look at them, confused and says, "What in the heck is going on?" 

"He's taking my baby away from me Stuart! He's gonna take her away from me!" Carol wails hoarsely, rocking back and forth while pointing at the two kids. Karen looks at her father with wide eyes, and she shrinks back when he comes bounding towards them. Kenny stands firmly in place, staring his father in the eye, breathing hard through his nose. Stuart grabs his son and wrenches him up into the air shaking him. 

"What do you think you're doin' makin' your Mama cry huh?" Stuart growls, giving Kenny another furious shake. In a flash, Kenny kicked him where it hurts. "FUCK!" The man cursed, and dropped the boy hard on the ground. Kenny sprung up like a spring-trap, and scuffled away running to the edge of the property. "Argh you fucking piece of shit!" Stuart yells, throwing a can of beer at him. The lights from their neighbors turned on and a few opened their doors to see what the daily commotion was. 

"I'll come back for you! I promise!" Kenny yells, dodging another can of beer before scrambling away into the empty streets. 

"Fucking hell." Stuart mutters, rubbing his sore crotch. "Hey, what the fuck ya'll looking at!" He yells at their neighbors who curse back at him before going back into their houses. He huffs and goes back to his car and carries in cooler bags, ignoring Karen and his wife. 

Just like that, Kenny was gone. She didn't understand how someone could be gone that quickly. That simple. She knew she should be mad, sad, anything but inside she felt.. empty. It all happened so fast it felt like a dream. 

"Karen? Karen baby come to Mommy." Carol says, and Karen stares at the empty street where Kenny was, and turned around and walked into her mother's outstretched arms. A mother's hug should feel comforting, but it wasn't. "Don't ever leave Mommy again OK? OK baby? Don't leave me, promise?" Karen doesn't answer but she thinks her mom doesn't notice anyways. The events after felt weird It was a faint blur. Karen doesn't feel like she was there, but instead it was like she was watching herself go back into that house, up those stairs, and back into her room. 

When she laid back on her mattress did everything come rushing back to her. It started with sniffles and then full blown sobs that wracked through her body, exhausting her lungs and pounding against her head. The light bulb flickered and finally died, leaving her in darkness which made her cry harder. Kenny was gone. Was he ever coming back? Of course, he promised he'll come back for her. But what if he doesn't? What if... he forgets about her. Kenny won't do that... would he? 

Something heavy landed on her floor and she sat up, sucking in air, her eyes wide with fright. A lumpy shape was right beneath the window, and it straightened up revealing the thing to be non other than her guardian angel. Karen's fear dissipated, replaced with overwhelming relief and happiness. 

"Mysterio-" She got cut off when the mysterious hero hugged her tightly. She hugged back, burrowing her face into the crook of his neck, feeling the fabric of his cape rub against her cheek. He pulled back first, wiping away the stray tears on her face. 

"I saw what happened." He said in that rough voice of his.

"You did?" Karen didn't want him to. She didn't.. she didn't want him to see her family.. like that. She bit her lip, fighting the tears she felt coming up. "He left me." 

Mysterion snatched her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "No he didn't. Your brother would  _never_ leave you. He promised didn't he? He promised he'll come back for you."

Karen shrugged, "People lie." 

"Kenny would never lie to you."

"My Mom lies to me every time she says she loves me." Karen looked away, too embarrassed to let him see her cry.

The dark hero paused, thinking. "That's not true. Your Mom loves you very much."

There was no point in arguing, so she shrugged in silent agreement.

"And Kenny loves you too. He loves you so much he would die for you."

"I'd die for him." She muttered under her breath, thankful that he didn't catch what she said. 

"And I will always be here for you." Mysterion said forcefully. "You're never alone. Do you understand?"

She nodded, rubbing her cheek. 

"I have to hear you say it." 

"I understand." Karen says, and maybe it was something in her eyes but Mysterion relaxes and gets up. Karen stands up with him and follows him to the window. He turns to her, reaches out but he hesitates and withdraws his hand. 

"Goodbye Karen." He says. She watches him climb through the window and jump down. She rushed to see if he landed safely but as usual, he was gone, as if he never existed. Alone, she backed away from the window and let herself fall on the mattress. She closed her eyes, wishing she could have them closed forever.

* * *

 

Dear Kenny,

This far away place is nice. It's just me here, but I think you would like it here too. I see us, living in a pretty house by the lake. There are mermaids in the lake so we don't get lonely, and you can bring your friends anytime you want. We'll have eggs and bacon and pancakes for breakfast, tacos for lunch, and pizza, loads of pizza for dinner, enough for all your friends. We can have anything we want here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note for readers: This story may have triggers, possibly, about depression. There is no self-harm. Depression, limerence, and agender will all come from Karen's side of the story. Her point of view (POV), will show how serious depression can be. She deals with the confusion of identifying her gender, and with the unhealthy dependency for her brother which is limerence.
> 
> Kenny's side of the story will deal with more of the occult. The things that will happen in his POV makes the story rated M, due to its explicit sexual scenes, blood, and perverse violence.
> 
> Ike's POV is probably the most normal since he will be dealing with tamer things such as growing up and family drama. BUT he will be a prime example of why romanticizing mental illness is wrong, very wrong.
> 
> Overall the three POVs do tie in together. I just wanted to write this down because I didn't want to offend anybody, and to warn about possible triggers.


End file.
